I’m no expert when it comes to being married, due to only being married for two years this year in April. However I want to talk to some of the men and women here who get mad over the little things in life.
I was doing my wifely-mothering chores around my house today and came across our laundry basket that was full. My daughters cloths were in so said basket (which I found surprising) but my husband’s work pants weren’t in ours and my sons basket was empty yet his cloths lay beside it. I looking at the cloths that lay beside the white beat up basket with disbelief, how can you miss the basket? However I didn’t argue and get worked up about it! I simply collected the cloths to wash, fold, then put them away.
Let me stop right there and explain. Something I found in very example of a happy marriage is letting go of the little things. My grandmother and grandfather have been married for 50 years next year (or this year, I can’t remember) not once did I see them fully blow up over stupid stuff. They probably do but we just don’t see it.
When I hear stories of couples fighting because of petty things like that it makes me want to ask why and was it worth it? A golden rule we have for my husband and myself is never going to bed angry at each other. Why because you wake up in a bad mood dwelling on a subject that is now done and over with. When we got married we received a Rules for a Happy Marriage sheet, most of them are common scene and we do them without thinking about it. When ever we have a hard time I usually sit down at my computer and isolate myself and I have that sheet and our marriage certificate hanging above my computer. When ever we get into an argument I look at the rules for a happy marriage and know that we need to settle this or make it better.
Anyway back to the story
How could they not get it into the basket, it’s right there? Yes it is right there but you know what so are you. Your picking the laundry up to wash anyway. Read the nagging wife story its touching and gives an eye opener on this particular example.
Besides I enjoy doing my family’s laundry, maybe not folding it and putting it way but washing them. Why because I know I have a family that has clean cloths. I take pride in knowing that my child has clean cloths to go to school in and my husband has clean cloths to work in. Yes they get dirty again but that means they did a hard days work learning and playing and my husband working hard to provide for us. My house is full and not empty! I have a husband and children that count on me, rely on me and that is fulling and touching.
One other little thing that bugs me is when I see women nag over the toilet seat up. You are just as capable of shutting the lid as they are. Half the time we look anyway before sitting down! I don’t find it a reason to nag over it. Another one I see getting worked up about is the bathroom counter looking like a makeup war zone. An explosion of foundation, blush, brushes, and highlighter! But you know what think of it this way it means your wife or girlfriend enjoys getting dolled up to look good for you. It lets you know she has a sense of pride to want to look her best stepping out of the house in more than sweats and a tank with no bra. Not that I’m complaining about stepping out of the house like that, I do it too. Often at parent pick up you will see me in-house slippers.
However one thing I learned for my grandpa and grandma is you don’t have to dress nice like you would for church everyday but take a little pride in dressing decent when you go out and no only will you feel better about yourself but others will look highly of you.
When you start to nag over the little things it becomes yelling because they don’t get done. When they don’t get done when you want it becomes an argument that turns to fighting. Once that happens past events get thrown in the face and words that are often not ment are said.
That is why I let go of the little things because most of the time those little things aren’t a good enough reason to explode at my husband over. When I say most of the time I mean I am human and have moments where I do nag at the little stuff. When that happens I have to remind myself it’s not worth it and let it go as much as I can. Other words if I kept nagging over the small stuff he wont want to be around me.
It is better to live in a desert that to live with a nagging wife who loves to argue
The bible repeats this verse 4 different times throughout proverbs, don’t you know that if its being repeated then it’s probably wise not to do it? By nagging at our other half they will eventually get tired of it and had enough and leave.
Like Elsa when she says let it go! I guarantee when you start letting the little things go you will feel better. I’m talking about situations like the hamper and dirty cloths and the toilet seat not letting someone walk over you all the time. Even then we are called to be humble right?
Ask your self this
What is important enough to explode at your partner for?
Is is really that important for you to get mad at it?
How petty is the situation?
Was it worth the trouble of nagging at them for it?
Another situation that I hate to see is quitting smoking! Yes this is a bigger deal than no cloths in the hamper but its harder than what we think. I was able to quit like that because it was easy for me, I wasn’t smoking long and I was able to just up and stop. Unlike me my husband has been smoking since he was 8 because of his mother. There has been as many as three times he has promised me he would quit but goes right back to it. I am not hurt that he promised and didn’t keep it, WHY? Well because first off addiction of any kind is hard to just quit and not do it ever again. There are withdrawals and emotions that come with quitting. Yes just stopping is for the better but it’s not that easy.
That is like telling a person with anxiety to get over it already, or to just stop thinking about it. WE CANT!
Overall when he goes back to smoking I tell him I’m disappointed but I leave it at that, I don’t hover over him and nag that he needs to stop. I don’t get mad when I see him light up because I know it’s not worth it. It’s not worth getting upset over something so small even if it is something he promised me. I know that he keeps his promises over all and that everyone is human.
So readers what is one thing you can do to keep yourself from nagging? Mine is to understand the other side of it, to look at the whole picture not just blowing up over something so small!